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Compassion, Moving Forward, and Rebuilding Your Life After a Traumatic Relationship


Understanding the Impact of Traumatic Relationships

Let’s talk about that relationship, that completely changed how you are in relationships …………


Therapists might identify this kind of a relationships, as a “traumatic relationship” - because we know that this kind of healing requires time and effort. When someone exits/leaves (or gets distance from) a traumatic relationship, this separation can spring a variety of issues - feelings of distrust, or sometimes even abandonment.



And we can’t even begin to predict how the emotional state attempts to recover from this — or the various stages of healing and coping mechanisms. A traumatic relationship completely rocks someone’s world, and makes it feel almost dangerous to engage or trust someone again. All kinds of behaviors (in relationships) can come from this, and the recovery can sometimes feel like a journey.


So How Do You Reclaim Your Power and Rebuild Your Life??


The amount of strength it takes to acknowledge the pain and trauma experienced from a traumatic relationship is really a measure of that person’s desire to move forward. Humans are naturally predisposed to wanting to be in a social group, to feel they “belong”, to have some value to some group or person. This doesn’t mean everyone is like this, but more of it’s like a continuum — some can do less, and some can do more …………..but I digress....


Folks who have experienced traumatic relationships, being able to overcome this rupture in our faith in people, has so many levels — from recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns, learning better ways to cope, and having “good people” support you and can help to “check” you.


Obviously, I’m going to say that therapy is a powerful tool for your emotional healing. When you are trying to understand why you “had to” experience a traumatic relationship, you need some reminders to be patient with yourself, encouragement for you to push through (even when you think you can’t), and hold you accountable to having a change in yourself.


It is not an easy journey.


Acknowledge the Trauma and Its Effects on Your Well-being

Recognizing and acknowledging emotional trauma takes courage. The willingness of my clients to confront their past experiences that have caused pain and suffering — it gives them a chance to validate their emotions. So give yourself permission to feel the anger, the sadness, or any other emotions that may arise - acknowledge it. Accept these past experiences and the pain you have endured —then give yourself permission to feel the emotions associated with it. Allow your feelings to just be, without judgment or self-criticism.


Seek Professional Help: Therapy and Counseling for Healing

Seek out a therapist who specializes in trauma recovery. This may seem like an impossible task, but trust me, we are out here!!! And if we can’t take you, we probably know someone who can. Plus, there are resources available - online directories, professional organizations, and good ole Google can give you some names.


Practice Self-Care and Self-Compassion

You will have to forgive yourself — for whatever blame you place on you because of this traumatic relationship. Forgiving yourself is part of the journey. We all make mistakes, but holding onto guilt or shame only keeps us from moving forward with kindness and understanding. Take time to rest, relax, and recharge.


Rediscover Your Identity and Reclaiming Personal Power

Each stage of your healing, each will add to your self-confidence and self-esteem. You might gain some more confidence to start back in activities that may have been put on the back burner during the traumatic relationship. Rebuilding your self-esteem involves learning to practice self-compassion (my newsletter spoke about this very thing). Embrace each stage as you reclaim your personal power.



You do not (and hopefully will not) have to face this journey alone. And contrary to what folks think, the very act of seeking help is a sign of strength. Learning to forgive yourself opens the door to remove the burden of resentment and welcome the peace within ourselves.


Closing the chapter on a toxic relationship is not easy - you have to be strong, you have to be willing to reflect on you, and you have to give new chances when you feel scared about doing so. But in doing this, you tell yourself there is an end to the pain and suffering that was once endured. Focus on how to release yourself from the emotional baggage that was created by this traumatic relationship. Finding happiness is possible. You are entitled to create the life and relationships you want, to feel all the joy and love, and peace that comes from our most loving and supportive relationships.


You deserve nothing less than genuine happiness.



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